His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
