Welp...herpes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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