Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sext me about skeletons
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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