i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
