well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
