; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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