Welp...herpes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
