She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
