Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
