so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
