It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
