Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
