I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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