I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
