im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
