Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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