if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
