Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
