shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
