you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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