I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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