I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
