so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
