I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
