i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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