he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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