i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
