I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never joke about your clitoris.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
