Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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