are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
