The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
