his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
