So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
