i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
