they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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