So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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