What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
