He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My feet surprised me
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