I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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