About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
