I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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