im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
