My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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