i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
