so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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