Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
