At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
