i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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