i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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