ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
