Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
