hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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