He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Too much gin, very little bucket
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
