K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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