I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
