saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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