Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
